Doomed to love
by Rogueshrown
Summary: vam . It's been a year since ville and Bam have seen each other. They left off on a bad note the last time Ville came to visit. Now, Ryan has recently died sending Bam into a downward spiral, and there is only one man that can fix it all. Linde has come to philly because of the death of his lover, Ryan, dragging a reluctant Ville valo with him.
1. Prologue

Ville blinked back tears, his heart dropping all the way to his stomach at the stone face his pro-skater gave him. Usually Ville was the reserved, stronger male out of the two, but at that moment he wanted to drop to the floor and beg Bam for forgiveness, or at least to speak to him.

His stomach was twisted angrily in knots. He stood outside the airport that Dunn dropped him off at. They were early for his flight, three days early. It was the only one that he could find last minute. The Fin was fifteen minutes away from having to deal with the cramped security line, and all the other bullshit that goes along with it. Ville needed to leave. The front man couldn't stay at Bam's house, and receive the cold shoulder. Not after what had happened.

The Fin took a drag from his fagstick, his fingers trembled with the emotions that scrambled around inside of his head. His emerald stare flicked over to Bam. He was leaned up against his hummer, a cigarette hung loosely from his lips. His usual boyish smirk wasn't on his lips, and his eyes weren't the lively shade of sapphire he knew. He watched Bam, his eyes followed a couple that were holding hands, smiles were pasted on their faces, and they were pressed up flush against each other's sides. They looked in love, hopelessly in love.

Dunn stood beside him in his own world, while the two males observed the gay couple. Ville snuck a look at Bam, his face had fallen, and his lips turned down into a deep frown that Ville wanted to kiss away. He wanted to take his skater into his arms and hug him, but that wasn't ever going to happen again. A spark of hope flared inside of him, his eyes brightening. He turned his stare to Bam, and let his eyes rest on him, taking in the longing stare that watched the two boys with envy.

Ville took a drag, letting the smoke fill his lungs, and build up his confidence. He exhaled his voice thick with the drag that guided off of his tongue. "Bammie." He cooed lowly, his stare turning on the male. "Can we talk?" He asked causing Dunn's head to snap to him, his eyes wide with anxiety. He knew Bam when he was mad, but like Ryan, Ville did too. He was taking a chance.

The Finnish singer took a step closer and dropped his cigarette, his body moving slowly. Bam turned his gaze to him, his stare having no mercy on Ville. He glared holes through the Fin. Ville shriveled back at the stare, his heart was wrenched out of his chest, and the thrashing hadn't even started yet. "No, what we did was a fucking mistake, stop being stupid and realize, what we did the other night was nothing. I'm not a faggot. Got it? Not. A. Faggot." He spoke in a harsh hiss of words, his hands clenched at his side like he was going to punch him. Bam took a moment to breathe. When his anger was a little more controlled his broad shoulders relaxed half an inch. "We're bro's alright, now go home, and call me when you get back, kay?" he asked, Ville couldn't answer. Tears sprang to his eyes but they went unshed. He nodded, because that was the only thing he could do.

Ville looked at him with his hurt hues, and it was Bam's turn to flinch away. "No." He said finding his voice. It came out because of love, and because the beauty of the memory couldn't be cherished as a mistake. "You're not a faggot, but you were mine, maybe for only a few minutes, but it's enough." He said his anger rising at the words that fell from his mouth quickly, bringing out his strong accent. He turned his body letting his back face Bam, while he leaned down to grab his bag. "Your gay, get the fuck over it Bam." With that said, there was nothing else to do. Ville had never sworn directly at Bam, but things had changed. He was shattered, vulnerable, and it felt like with one blow of the wind he would be taken away. "Bye Dunn." Ville said with a small smile directed at the male that watched them. He had a frown pasted on his grizzly bear mug.

The Fin turned his back, and with whatever courage he had, he walked away. He couldn't look back though, if he did, his strength would permanently sink away leaving him a heap of hurt. He hurried off to the doors of the airport. "Ville!" Dunn's voice cut him out of his inner war, his head turning to watch the blond chase after him. He didn't give Ville a moment to speak, but instead threw himself at him enveloping the two in a hug. Ville hugged him back, his strength wavering, as he let himself be squeezed in an embrace, a few stray tears left his eyes. He couldn't fall apart now, not in front of any one. When he was alone he knew it would hit, and all the self-hatred would bring him down to his knees, as he sobbed. But right now he was withdrawing into a place that was numb, a place where no one could reach him.

Ville felt Dunn slip something into his pocket, his lips whispering into his ear. "I'll see you soon." He promised Ville before giving him one last squeeze and walking off.

Ville touched the envelope that was in his pocket, his forefinger stroking the paper. He didn't ask or look back, but instead smiled at Dunn and walked away. Ryan was a good friend to Bam, but he didn't know if he supported Bam and Ville as one, but he couldn't read what was in his pocket just yet, just in case it was something that would cut deeper.

Going through the airport was slow, and Ville moved like a zombie, his clumsy limbs moving forward when he had to, and slumping when he got the chance. He ignored most people, his emerald stare focusing on the steps of going home. He was growing cold, and agitated. A woman bumped into him on his way into the plane and he pegged her with a nasty stare. Any other day he would have smiled and muttered a "sorry Darling", but his mind couldn't waste time on petty small talk.

He felt broken, and weak, each step was forced and painful. When he slid down into his seat, he let his body collapse into itself, a small whimper leaving his parted lips. He tried not to let anyone hear, but he couldn't hold off the pain. It surrounded him like a tidal wave crashing down. His hands shook, as tears fell down his translucent skin. His usual porcelain cheeks were red and swelled by salty tears. His eyeliner ran down his face in streaks of black.

He reached for the note, as the flight attendant spoke up. She announced happily that they would be taking off in ten minutes. Ville didn't take his time with opening the note. His fingers were quick and impatient. Once he got it open he smiled, and read the careless scribbles written on the paper:

Aye Willa Walo!

It's Ryan, you probably know that because I most likely handed it to you and your reading it now. Or now, or ya right now!

Sorry for walking in on the two of you, ya know... doing it and shit. I just wanted my CD, Bammy boy takes it all the time. Alright, i need to get to the point. The whole reason for this is, i want to tell you, even though Bam doesn't know it. He loves you. Loves you more than the world, its seriously hasn't been one day that he hasn't said your name. I'm about to punch the dick for not noticing it. He is probably whining about how he isn't a "faggot" But that's just how he deals with shit. He will come to his senses. I hate being all sentimental because it makes me feel like a huge ass moron, but i approve. I am on your team, the sooner you two idiots make up and come to the realization your perfect for each other, the sooner we can all throw you two a part, like fuck dude, we all know. Your family Ville.

….Oh yeah, and i don't know how to say this so, ill just come out and tell you. Don't tell them I'm telling you because ill probably be rejected from"bumping" their sweet ass for a month! He wants to wait a while, but I want this shit out in the open. I'm in love with Linde, ya I'm fucking gay too… How weird is that?! Fucking strange right?… Alright. love you man.

Ryan Dunn.

Ville blinked back a few tears, his breath coming out in a raspy chuckle, as he clutched the paper to his heart, his head fell back. Dunn would forever be his favorite. With that he fell into the memory of what happened. Bam's drunken self-entering his room while Ville was on the bed. It had been tense the whole weak he was there, since the both missed each other equally. Bam threw himself onto Ville. He still remembered the sweet taste of Bam, as his tongue invaded him. His Bammie let out purrs, small little cat like moans that made Ville lose all self-control. He was so beautiful in his arms, so obedient and loving. The only thing that he didn't understand in the memory was; how was he the man in this? The question helped mend the pain, and silenced his sobs, turning his wicked lips into a handsome smile.


	2. Chapter 1

(One year later)

Bam hiccupped, the taste of hard liquor appearing again after he swallowed it down with a few sleeping pills. He had still yet to feel the drowsing effect, which if you asked him, sucked a lot of ass. He wanted to feel numb until he could fall down his stairs and feel nothing at all. That's how his days had been spent the last couple of weeks. Drinking and popping any kind of meds that could just clear his mind. He always wished to think more, but now his mental state was a problem, he was thinking to much. He was seriously considering taking a sledge hammer to his good ol' piss ass drunk mug of his, but he wasn't drunk enough to be doing anything to suicidal. Maybe a few shots later he would feel up to getting off his drunken behind and end it, but he couldn't end it. Bam was to much of a Nancy for that. He would have been glad of it, until today, today he hated that about himself.

Bam shifted on his bed, laying his head back down on the damp pillow. He stained the black material with tears, the salty scent of what was left of his misery clouded his nose. His eyes stung until he was sure that they were swollen shut, and he had a horrible stuffy nose. He couldn't cry any more, not that he was holding back, but because he had crossed over the maximum tear level and he wasn't going to get any more out of him. There was nothing left to do, but lay there, he was to weak to move, there was no point in moving. No reason to get up anymore. He hated the silence in his house, it put him on edge, and if he was not so tired, he would of walked out into the hall and destroyed a few things. He missed the loud voices in the hallway, and not being able to sleep because of the partying that went on until two in the morning. He missed the sound of cups braking and people slamming into things.

Now it was rare when he let any one into his house. Ape tried coming over to check on him, but he never let her in , he made an excuse of being busy and shut the door on her worried face. He loved Ape, and he wanted to let her and Phil in, to let them know how he was doing, but he felt like any ones sympathy would throw him over the ledge between hurt and insanity. He would break, and piecing himself back together would have been past impossible. Bam groaned, when the hell had he gotten this sensitive? He sounded like a female, and he was one cycle away from his menstruation.

A knock from downstairs brought Bam's head shooting up from the pillow. The drunken male growled a few profanities under his breath as he reached for his beer on his bed side table. He tried to sit up without the assistance of his head board, but the movement sent his head reeling. His stomach turned, and he leaned over the side of the bed to gag into the trash can. He set his beer back down to dry heave. Nothing came up though it wasn't a surprise since he hadn't been eating for a while. He coughed choking on the clear liquid from his stomach that burned its way up his throat and tainted his mouth. He made a face as he sat back up trying to cover up the taste with his beer. He had gotten to the stage where the only thing left to gag was the acid from his stomach, which was a clear sign that if he didn't eat soon he was going to get alcohol poisoning.

Eventually Bam slipped out of his bed, his arms stretched out in front of him trying to balance his shaky limbs. It did little for the tremors that ran throughout his arms and legs, making it ten times more difficult to steady him. The young skater looked down at his wrists. They were tinier, he was getting skinnier. Almost to the point that when he laid down he could see his ribs popping out from under his now, pasty, white skin.

Bam forced himself down the stairs taking each step one at a time. He had to focus all of his attention on the stairs underneath him or he would end up barrel rolling It all the way to the door. On his way downstairs he cursed out whoever was on the other side of the door. Another knock cut through the silence.

"I'm coming." Bam hissed in a drunken slur. "Hold on you cock sucker, mother fuc-"

Bam was cut off once the door opened, his ocean blue stare landing on the male that stood on the other side of his door way. His chest sank at the sight, and he felt like another wave of gags would take him over again. Bam gripped his beer tightly, like it was the only thing he had in his life. "Bam." The male greeted with a small nod of his head. He stood in the door way awkwardly, like he was hiding from the light, and by the looks of it Bam couldn't Blame the male. He looked like shit. The blond had the bad case of five o'clock shadow, his eyes were blood shot red, and he stood not in his usual confident form, but as a hunched over male drawn into himself. He seemed ages older then he was. He looked like complete and utter shit.

Bam blinked, he knew the male in front of him was where he was at now, stuck in a crap filled whole. Fuck.

Linde felt strange standing on the porch of Bam Margera. He was unsure why he had to be there at three in the morning, but then again he knew the answer well. He couldn't sleep, not when he was putting off visiting Bam after the incident. He looked at the male with wide eyes. He could feel his tears coming to the surface at the sight of him. He looked just as shitty as he felt. His stare was dull, and his usual wide grin, was a frown, crease marks decorated the young face to make him look way older then he was. He had stained eyes, showing he had done just as much crying as Linde did the past few weeks.

"I- I'm really sorry I showed up at a late hour, I was going to come in the morning but I -" Linde trailed off with a sob, his voice shaking as his legs threatened to give out underneath him. Bam took a step closer clapping his hand on the male's shoulder.

"Fuck, I understand." Bam spoke pulling Linde into the circle of his body. He was warm, but boney. They embraced for a quick moment until Bam pulled away. "I miss him too." He said scrubbing at his eyes, his face contorting into a painful expression. Linde simply nodded. There was not much to say in their moment of grief.

Linde sniffed holding back his tears as Bam moved out of the way for him to enter. He stepped inside the house that he had once visited to see the love of his life. Now there would no longer be any more visits, no more laughs, or soft touches because he was gone. His lover was gone and never coming back. The sound of the door shutting behind him caused him to jump his eyes turning back to Bam. He walked past the finish rocker downing the last remains of his beer, giving off the impression he had been wasted, and wasted for a very long time. "Yo, Dunn loved you, so your family to me, Linde, stay as long as you have to, kay?" He said pausing and turning around.

Bam looked him a question, it was a curious idea that Linde knew from the small furrow of Bam's brows. He knew exactly what the skater was thinking and before he could wait to be asked he answered any ways, to end the awkward tension. "Yes, Ville is with me." He said and paused. "I wrote him a note at the hotel telling him I had came here early." He explained. Linde opened his mouth and closed it. He knew that with that news of Ville coming it would bring Bam to a complete halt, but at the moment he was more concerned about dealing with his own needs, before being cautious about worrying the skater. Bam, like him was a mess, ville would find out, and in the end work out for the better. By the looks of it Bam seemed like he needed some help. He looked sickly. His skin no longer a lively shade of tan, and his shirts hung off of him loosely giving the impression he was swimming in his clothes. He had lost too much weight.

"Oh, ugh, cool." He said running a hand through his messy brown locks. Linde cocked an eyebrow up but kept his mouth shut. He knew that Bam was not as chill about the idea as he seemed.

"He is worried about you." Linde said before offering the male a small smile. The twist of his lips was feminine and very sweet. His eyes dancing over his lovers best friend. "But I'll not get into that, can I um…"

Linde fell silent thinking of a way to ask for what he needed without making it sound weird. He knew what he wanted, and how he could sleep for the first time in weeks but asking made him feel weak.

Bam seemed to sense what he was going to ask a flash of knowledge flooding his ocean blue stare, proving he was smarter then he let people think. "You can crash in his room…it's exactly the way he left it."

Linde nodded and played with his hair, twisting the golden locks around his thumb. He bit his lip, thinking about what it would feel like to crawl into the bed that he had been in a million times before. His heart ached to be in that room once more, but once he left it, he knew that he would lose it. He would break apart, for the wind to carry his remains away with once graceful sweep.

"I'll let you get some sleep, im going to watch some boob tube." Bam spoke into the silence before giving Linde one last hug.

"See you in the morning then Bam -Bam." Linde spoke softly calling the skater ville's nickname for him. They all picked it up after a while and used it. Bam nodded and sauntered over to the couch, he moved carefully, holding his arms out for balance which confirmed that he was drinking a lot tonight. Linde turned and ran for the stairs, he tried to walk but he was in a hurry and his even pace turned into a jog - to the only place he could think of. He tried to keep his mind busy, focusing on what Ville would do with Bam. Poor Ville, his heart was so set on the Skater, and so was Bam, it was a shame they both didn't know though. He figured over time they would come to realize that they both loved each other. Hopefully. Linde was sick of seeing Ville lay around his house like a love sick puppy. It hurt his heart to know his band mate was in pain. Especially since he was sure once Bam thought of it, he felt the same way too.

Linde's thoughts shut off abruptly when he reached the familiar door. Dunn, was painted on it in red gothic letters, a picture of a beer can hung directly under. Linde smiled sadly, he remembered when Dunn had put it up on his door. He had done it to piss off Bam's mom, Ape, when she hounded him about his drinking. Linde thought it was a very childish thing to do, but that was part of the reason why he loved Dunn wasn't it? He flinched at the realization. Dunn. Dunn had died. How, was the part that made him wish Dun had actually listened to Ape. He crashed while drunk driving, the only thing left of his favorite porsche was the bottom frame, since almost immediately the car had been set on fire. Linde felt a swarm of tears threaten to stray from his eyes and stain his already wet cheeks. He fought the urge down, as he held his breath and slipped into the room that he longed to be in once more.

Linde didn't bother turning on a light, no, he did not plan to look around, he planned to go to the one place he needed to be in. Dunn's bed. Pulling back the covers he slowly let his body roll onto the blankets before encasing himself under the cool sheets. Instantly a small sigh left his lips, as he buried his nose into the black pillow case. His scent filled his nose, a dark spicy sent that caused his hips to jerk into the mattress. He was surrounded by Dunn's scent, almost encased in it, leaving him raw, and vulnerable. He closed his eyes letting it fill his lungs until he couldn't breathe without smelling him, couldn't think without picturing Dunn and his grizzly bear beard. Linde remembered him until he was pulled into a memory of the last time they had slept together, with that memory came sleep. For the first time in weeks the finish rocker was pulled into a dark heavy slumber, and a very teasing dream.

It's been a year since ville and Bam have seen each other. They left off on a bad note the last time Ville came to visit. Now, Ryan has recently died sending Bam into a downward spiral, and there is only one man that can fix it all.

Linde has come to philly because of the death of his lover, Ryan, dragging a reluctant Ville valo with him. The front man from HIM can't decide who he is here for, Linde, or his Blue eyed skater. The three men soon realize that they have bigger problems then the loss of Dunn when there is a knock on the door and a blond haired four year old girl is standing on the door step claiming to be the daughter of Ryan Dunn. (I have not decided where the story is going yet, but I do have great ideas for the two)


End file.
